Being the Oldest
I saw Hasan Minhaj’s show last month and noticed a pattern among the oldest children in minority households. His recounting sounded similar to something I’ve experienced in my family. In homes like Minhaj’s and mine, the oldest son or daughter appears stretched thin regarding familial responsibilities. We are responsible for not only our younger siblings or kids, but as our parents’ health starts failing, we take responsibility for them as well. Ensuring your younger sibling or child isn’t getting into trouble and that your parent doesn’t miss their doctor’s appointment makes it feel like you’re getting pulled in opposite directions. It’s hard.
Don’t get me wrong. We’re not obligated to do this, but we feel inclined to provide for the younger and older members of the family. I can’t say why that is because the reasons might vary for everyone, but I cannot ignore the pattern. Perhaps it's in our culture? I’m not sure. I realize there are white families in our situations, but it’s less common to hear of this predicament in them. Speaking for myself and probably others, I let myself get stretched like this because I feel I owe it to my parents. They provided everything I needed through the ages when I could barely count or when I’d brood over some unrequited love (teenagers, am I right?). However, my mom and dad are getting older, and I find myself handling much of what they used to take care of. My younger brother is under my wing instead of theirs because I can provide better than they could. I will say it’s taught me to be more patient, so there is a lesson somewhere in there.
I’m not writing this with some hidden advice. I’m just curious to know if anyone else feels this way. I don’t care if you’re brown, black, white, or whatever. Many of our experiences are shared, and if you’ve felt the way I have, I hope you learned that you aren’t alone. It’s a difficult lesson that tests your patience, but family is everything. If you would die on a hill for your family, welcome to the club.
